The most recent addition to the list of retarded preppy fashion seems to be flipping the collar of your overly pretentious Abercrombie shirt up. The flipped collar is now so wide spread that it has officially joined the preppy hall of fame of metrosexual fashions alongside faded jeans, hats with pre-ripped rims, and a cock in the mouth. Preppy fashion confuses the shit out of me. Apparently the way to score pussy is to dress like a flaming homosexual and pay way too much money for a little A and an F sewed onto the shirt. Not only are Abercrombie shirts incredibly pretentious, overpriced, and generally ugly but you god damned preppies had to go and flip the collar. Before I tended to question the sexuality of preppies in general, but now I’m sure they love the cock. There are only two types of people who have the right to walk around with flipped collars: pirates and ninjas. And once the age old question of “who would win in a fight, a pirate or a ninja” is answered there will only be elite group of killing machines allowed to flip their collars. Not like a real pirate or ninja would ever sink to the low of flipping their shirt collar for attention, but nobody would say anything if they did. I would love to find the first guy who thought flipping his collar was cool and castrate him so he couldn’t spread whatever is wrong with him. Just because it’s popular doesn’t mean you don’t look like a douche. Pull your heads out of your anuses.

Even more mind boggling is how any woman could be attracted by this crap. What the hell is wrong with you sluts? You flock to pop culture and cling to it like a newborn on its mom’s teat. Here’s a newsflash: pop culture is completely devoid of any substance and so are the people who follow whatever is popular. These people have no identity of their own. They let popular trends pull them along until some new trend replaces an old one. If you want a cookie cutter man who’s just like every other guy out there go ahead and suck off every guy walking around with a flipped collar. You’ll end up with a mouthful of jizz from some dude who wore a flipped collar Abercrombie shirt just so he could fuck you. Congratulations. Enjoy the after taste. Looking for a guy that is going to treat you well and respect you unlike your past relationships when you were treated you like shit? Here’s a hint, don’t go for the guy who looks and acts like all the other scumbags you’ve been with. Maybe, just maybe, take a look around and notice who’s not paying out the ass for mass produced preppy fashion. Like me.

Seriously, I’m the perfect man. I don’t understand why more chicks don’t offer me fellatio as I’m walking down the street. It’s completely mind boggling. Sure, I have a girlfriend and all, but would it really hurt you women to offer once in awhile? Let’s go to the score board:

Balls the size of cantaloupes: Check

24 hour erection: Check

Hairy nipples: Check

Never flips collar up: Check

Clips toenails with teeth: Check

Can bench press the pope: Check

Willing to let your girlfriends join in: Double check

Jizz tastes like strawberries: Check

Willing to lick your ass after you’ve ran five miles: Check

Doesn’t pay $40 for a fucking t-shirt: Check

Made a kitten skin coat out of 100% retarded kittens: Check

Holy crap, I’m so fucking manly it’s ridiculous. Just look at that list. What woman in her right mind wouldn’t let me toss her salad while a half dozen of her friends took turns blowing me? It’s a cruel twist of fate that God made me so awesome, but didn’t give me enough flexibility to suck my own dick.