What if Jack and Jill stopped climbing that lame ass hill and went to Candyland? What if they met Plumpy, King Kandy, and 50 Cent? What if I rapped about it? What is the airspeed velocity of an unladened swallow? The answer to some of these questions can be found below.

(Jack)

That’s my favorite pose, down on my piece like the rest of them ho’s

Lick the stick while I’m slappin that fat

Swallow my cum when you startin to hum and I bust like a gat

Close the doors and drop to all fours

I’ll show you I care just put your ass in the air

I’ll be real smooth, this ain’t gonna hurt

But I ain’t gonna love you if you don’t make me squirt

(Jill)

You must be straight trippin boo

Thinkin I would roll with a cr*a like you

You must be actin tha fool

Thinkin you could work this with a itty bitty tool

You can’t get me off lookin like a little kiddy

I been cheatin on you, gettin my ass stuffed by fiddy

(50)

We gonna roll tonight Jill

Hope you took that pill cuz we don’t need a little fiddy making your booty ill

Bitches get knocked up best say they prayers

Bitches fucked up, take a trip down the stairs

Knock that kid right outta you bitch

I’m a playa ho, toss that kid in the dumpster cuz I know you ain’t gonna snitch

Hop in my Benz and we ain’t gonna stop

I’ll take you to the candy land and let you like the lollypop

(Plumpy)

Please girl, what are you doing with this bitch?

He ain’t no gangsta he’s a wanksta

You need a real pimp to tap that shit

I’ll put my big green self between your tits

Stick with me; we’ll be rollin in Benjamins

Sippin Henny and lightin blunts with Washingtons

(King Kandy)

Ni**a don’t front cuz you can’t touch this bling

I’m the king of bling wearin my diamond rings

Gucci linens, rims be spinnin, juice and gin’n, lyrically spinin

I see you grinnin, but don’t worry cuz we ain’t sinnin

Join the King Kandy Klub I’ll get you a sheet

Back that ass up till I skeet skeet skeet.

(Tupac)

Tupac can’t say anything because he’s fucking dead. He needs to stop putting out albums or I swear to God I’m going to dig up his corpse, put a stake through his heart, and cremate him. Maybe that will stop that undead son of a bitch.

::Everyone stops rapping and shoots each other::

FIN