2005 was a dreadful year now let’s put it in the past

And hope that the coming annum will provide us contrast

Terrell Owens dominated the news

Which made me hear about Philly

I drowned my sorrows in a bottle of booze

And prayed that God would kill me

Paris Hilton was somehow famous

For shooting the worlds worst porn

Never before have I seen a sight so heinous

I’d rather watch a rhino being born

Hurricane Katrina ripped New Orleans a new one

People sat in the water waiting for FEMA

Bush assured that FEMA would git r done

While the looters gave the stranded a Cleveland Steama’

The White Sox won the World Series

But Baseball is boring and I don’t care

Intelligent design challenged Darwin’s theories

As Christians proved once again science is no match for prayer

2005 was the year of the blog

The World Series of Poker ceased to be cool

Iraq turned into a mire of a bog

We’ll just kill more of them for our fuel

We tortured our prisoners and defiled their Koran

Abu Ghraib was the trendy place to be

But now McCain has on torture placed a ban

For the prisoners this must have caused a jubilee

Hurricanes kept coming in the worst recorded season

But it’s certainly not due to global warming

War protestors are still accused of treason

Which has more hot air: a politician performing or a hurricane storming?

Deep Throat revealed himself to the world

Nobody really gave a shit

Tom Cruise jumped on Oprah’s couch and twirled

Scientology is for the mentally unfit

North Korea probably has nukes

Iran isn’t too far behind

Just watch Reggie Bush throw some jukes

To keep yourself from thinking about the annihilation of mankind

I had a threesome in 2005

Ok, it was in a dream

But for this goal I will continue to strive

Until two chicks share my cream

The Eagles losing the Superbowl was amazing

John Madden is finally gone

How long can I keep up this clever phrasing?

At least until the light of dawn

The Bind Torture Kill… Killer was caught

Redundancy? I think so

Schwarzenegger listened to the case that Tookie brought

And killed that bastard for being a ho

Bono was famous for doing charity

I think he’s found his true calling

Because this I can say with clarity

His music is truly appalling

So that’s pretty much it, the year in review

If you meet a chick with a nice ass, make sure to mount it

Show her how to be Quigley like you

And always remember, if there’s grass on the field… count it!