The buzz around the media today is that Islam is causing many Muslims to riot, burn embassies, KFC’s, effigies, and generally act like fuck sticks. But is that really the case? Let’s take a look see. There are Muslims in America but I’ve yet to hear a story about American Muslims burning anything down or protesting violently against the political cartoons that depict Muhammad as a terrorist. Muslims in this country are offended (which, if you remember, I have clearly labeled as a sign of mental disease), but it could be worse. At least they don’t think that the best way to counter cartoons that depict their religion as violent is to riot, loot, and murder people. What in the fuck? Seriously, how fucking stupid are these people over there? That’s like me countering accusations of pedophilia by rounding up little boys and fucking them. It just baffles me that these people are this nuts. On second thought, I want to thank you Middle East. Thank you for making America look like a better place every day. You make our Christian wacko assholes look tamer every single day. At least our spiritual leaders aren’t calling for the cartoonists to be beheaded or to have their drawing hand amputated. I can’t wait until our cars don’t run on oil anymore so we can let you tear each other apart until you find out who is the “holiest”. Bottom line is if we give up on the right to show these cartoons where does it stop? Do we then give up on the right to criticize religion?

STOP! Stop sending me fucking surveys on MySpace you motherfuckers. You know what; I probably asked for this when I signed up for that grotesque abomination known as MySpace.com, but for the love of god stop! I don’t understand how I can receive three new surveys a day. What is wrong with you women? (Yes, its all women that send them.) Last time I checked every single one of those surveys asks the same god damned questions. Have you ever been kissed? Have you had sex? Have you been in love? What’s your favorite food? The answers to these questions don’t change on a daily basis so why, in the name of God almighty, do you take one every day? I don’t see why anyone should take these things more than once every five years if they take them at all. Not to mention those questionnaires which purport to tell you things like “which Grey’s Anatomy Character are You?”, “Are you liberal or conservative?”, or “What personality type are you?” When you submit your answers a new webpage should pop up with “YOU ARE A GIANT CUNT” written in huge, bold letters. Grey’s Anatomy sucks, if you don’t know if you are liberal or conservative do some research, and chances are your personality sucks. Go fuck yourself.

How about the entire US congress and most of the population of the United States of America? I am honestly in shock when I say this, but president Bush could not be more right on the Dubai port deal which recently fell through. The only reason Congress wanted to step in and nix the deal was the fact that the United Arab Emirates is full of …gasp… Arabs! Never mind the fact that Dubai is probably the most Westernized place in all of the Middle East. I guess the best way to spread Western ideas in the Middle East is to bend over Westernized areas that want to do business with us and fuck them in the ass. Oh no, but some September 11th hijackers were FROM the United Arab Emirates. Holy fucking shit, they were actually from there. Holy jumping jihad Batman, they must all be terrorists over there. The United States people can certainly not be expected to trust any of those filthy camel jockeys. They are clearly all the same over there. Nevermind that many of the individuals with controlling shares in the company are Western. Guess what, if you want to counter the assholes burning KFC’s because of cartoons maybe we should support progressive Arab businesses who are on the path towards modernization. I can’t believe it, but when George W. said we made a big mistake and damaged our relationship with the Middle East he was right. Then W. ruined it by warning against US unilateralism, which he is the worst proponent of in recent history, but I’ll forgive him for that. George W., today you almost made me salute the flag with reverence. Then I realized the entire population of the US and our congress are a bunch of xenophobic half wits and I stopped being patriotic.

Oh well, fuck you all. Take this quiz.