If there is one movie about planes causing death and destruction worth seeing it sure as hell isn’t World Trade Center. Let’s run down some of the most obvious reasons not to see the movie. First of all there aren’t even any snakes on those planes. If I pay 10 bucks to get into a movie about planes there better be some mothafuckin snakes on some mothafuckin planes. Apparently in WTC the part of the snakes has been recast for a bunch of Arabs. I have no idea where the director was trying to go with this one, but Arabs aren’t serpentine in the least. They are warm blooded and their venom sacks are puny. I don’t know about you, but a set of fangs at crotch level scares me a lot more than some retard swinging a box cutter. I’ll bet you affirmative action is to blame for this debauchery. Bunch of Hollywood liberal pussies were heartbroken for the poor Arab actors. Apparently it’s no longer the best serpent for the job here in America. Next thing you know we’ll all be reading the Quran in school and buying designer explosive belts.

Instead of Sam Jackson we get Nick Cage. Not exactly an even trade off. To make matters worse Cage’s moustache makes him look like the biggest bukkake target in the universe. Seriously, log on to the website and look at one of the pictures. I guarantee you’ll be hit with the unrelenting urge to blast the screen with a quart of man yogurt. They couldn’t have made Cage’s character look more homosexual if they had him blowing a sailor while watching Project Runway. Cage, who is normally a good actor, has really dropped the ball on this one. With so many obvious deficiencies in this movie I highly doubt the American public will turn out in large numbers.

Anyone who goes to see this movie is a retard. We all saw September 11th happen right before our eyes. You and I watched the towers fall about 800 billion times. We’ve been bombarded with an undulation of books, newscasts, and posters about our hero’s: the NYPD and NYFD. Do you really need a movie to tell you how to feel about September 11th? Do we need more patriotic browbeating to cowtow us into accepting the path our country has taken post 911? Look at what blind nationalism has led us to in the years after 911. I for one would not see this steaming pile of feces if you paid me. I don’t need a movie to tell me that cops and firemen, especially the ones that take bribes, beat and torture innocent suspects, and shoot little black kids holding cell phones, are all heroes. I don’t need a movie to feel emotional about a terrorist attack that I lived through. I can remember just fine what that morning was like thank you. I don’t need another reason for people who don’t use their brains to stick flags on everything that doesn’t move and call everyone else in the country a traitor. I don’t need movie to tell me that September 11th was the worst thing that ever happened in human history. Three thousand plus died on September 11th. How many more thousands of innocent Iraqi civilians died when we were “liberating” them right into the next world and “instilling democracy”, which is now, of course, flourishing. How many millions of innocent Iraqi civilians starved to death because of the genocidal sanctions we put on them? And you wonder why the Iraqis don’t like us!

But what am I saying. A great movie about September 11th should simply tug at people’s heartstrings by presenting them with an emotional, feel good story about heroism. The lessoned to be learned from September 11th is that we should all feel good, not question why the Arab world hates us so much (they hate us because they are all fanatics and most likely insane to not want our completely benevolent and just way of life spreading into their country like a cancer), and squirt a few tears into your twelve dollar jumbo sized popcorn (you fat fuck).